In fact, if this is systematically done, the returns are higher than in importing books. (This goes for translations as well: it must be done systematically and quickly, not the way Dewan Bahasa dan Pustaka, with its inert bureaucracy, does at the moment.) The only local publisher who does this with some panache is Forum, which publishes on a limited scale foreign books and sell them at very reasonable rates. But then Forum is run by book lovers. That animal is virtually absent among Bolehland publishers. And I am not surprised.

The point about privatised highways is that the concessionaire is responsible for maintaining and upgrading the concession area during the terms of the contract. El Samy, as works minister, thinks such harsh conditions on concessionaires goes against the spirit of Bolehland free enterprise to gouge the hapless citizen. So, even if the company, whose response to road users complaining of the poor conditions of the Karak Highway was to sue them for millions of ringgit, was not too keen at this price gouging, El Samy insisted it would.

Bolehland ministers have found a method of governance that soon would be required subject of study in public administration studies in universities around the world. It is so simple a method that one wonders why it did not take root through the centuries. And what is this magic formula? Make seemingly erudite statements with as much authority that a powerless man can muster before a fawning press corps, and ensure that is dutifully reported in as prominent a position as possible or high up in the radio and television news. Hey presto, the problem is resolved. It does not matter if it does not. As far as the government is concerned, it does. The economy is improving. The ringgit will strengthen. The Commonwealth Games will be held. Bolehland is impervious to foreign economic and financial attacks. And other pronouncements of such kind.

Why do we need a bus service? So that the company that runs it can make life as difficult as it possibly can for those who use it. A bus service is not for there for the convenience of the people but to ensure that it is profitable for the company. If it is not so, then the people had better walk. And bus services could also be shut down when the company decides that its workers must pray. The consumer is unhappy? Well, the consumer is blamed because he chose to live in an area to which the bus company will withdraw services because it is not profitable. For it is a cast iron rule in Bolehland that public services must be run by monopolies whose sole concern is to ensure that the people they claim to serve are heavily inconvenienced.

Has the haze disappeared from Bolehland skies? The newspapers are quiet about it, but the clouds continue to be hazy. As an asthmatic, I am susceptible to the haze. The last times, my eyes were affected as well. This time, my respiratory problems have got worse, sometimes the pain so intense that I cannot walk 200 yards in the open without stopping. I use my inhalor for temporary relief more often than I have for a long time But, of course, since the newspapers do not write about it, and the officials do not talk about it, ipso facto, there is no haze. Still, when there is heavy rain, the next day's news reports would say coyly that the clear view is because the haze was washed away by the rain.

An interesting list of Bolehland companies with net gearing levels of more than 100 per cent suggests that what its banks have is not financial stability. Many of Bolehland's brightest and best control these companies, and what they owe the banks is mindboggling. (But then mindboggling is a Bolehland trait: we mindboggled when Bolehland went big on dreams, so it is natural we mindboggle when that dream laddles up with real-time mega debts.) The list is marked "Appendix 3: Companies with net gearing level > 100%". It is part of a larger document, and so it is only a partial list of what Bolehland's brightest and best owe our banks, and, of course, it does not include the debts they incurred overseas with an abandon that could well have the IMF breathing down our necks.

Bolehland rules of banking is not to conflict with the Banking and Finance Industries Act (BAFIA). When it does blatantly, the unwritten and unspecified rule is that Bank Negara Malaysia would mount a rescue. So, when one bank, Sime Bank, ran into predictable cash flow deficit that would sink it, Tan Sri Rashid Hussein's RHB Bank, already under close watch by those who monitor these things internationally, bought it after breaking off negotiations to buy another. But look closer, and you would find Tan Sri Rashid on to a good thing. He bought Sime Bank minus its bad debts, which in Bolehland is to be saddled on to the people; Bank Negara would take care of that minor difficulty. That is how, and why, Tan Sri Rashid, by acquiring Sime Bank, laughs all the way to the RHB Bank. To ensure he keeps laughing, Khazanah Nasional and possibly EPF would come up with funds to ensure Tan Sri Rashid would never be short of laughs.

The land and co-operative development minister, Dato' Seri Osu Sukan, silent about his portfolio when it was being raped by Bolehland's business men, has suddenly found his voice. He has a sure-fire way -- which cabinet minister does not? -- to reduce prices: set up "pasar rakyat" -- people's market, which would sell goods directly from the producers, wholesalers and co-operatibes. So convinced is he of this half-baked that he has ordered all co-operative developments to set them up pronto. (I am always bothered when tails wag dogs; but then I live in Bolehland where ministerial tails wag the civil service dogs; only here do civil servant wait for orders before they do what they have been paid to do, but I digress.)

Why do we, as a nation, behave like frogs under a coconut shell? The US ambassador, Mr John R. Malott, whose knowledge in these matters is at best suspect, comes out assertively yesterday with a gobbledygooky statement of Malaysia regaining investor confidence, and the New Straits Times is on hand to give it front page play. A few weeks ago, the IMF's M. Michael Camdessus, came here and we believed his statements on how well the Malaysian economy looked, ignoring that under the circumstances, a guest is unlikely to irritate the host. But look through yesterday's, or any other day's, copy of the New Bolehland Times and, indeed, any other, in vain, for an understanting of news of what happens in the region. Like the proverbial frog, Bolehland is only concerned with itself, the rest of the world had better adapt to us.

Bolehland has encouraged lorry drivers to build no dams, second-hand car dealers to clear excreta, failed consultants to establish IT parks in distant lands, chicken sellers to set up sogososhas. And in so doing, brought about a new class of human beings -- the Yayas -- on hand to mutter with religious regularity "Ya, ya" to every suggestion from the Leader. One prominent Malaysian, who broke his fast at the residences of the prime minister, the deputy prime minister and the Silent One in the White House, said the same Yayas were at all three functions. Since this man himself would have found it impolitic to attend the function last year at the Silent One's, he could not say if the YaYas were there last year. But this year they were not only in force, but in prominence as well.

But it does emphasise one important principle dearly held in Bolehland: for those of the courtiers and the coterie, even those no more there, the free lunch can last awhile. In the case of Tan Sri Datuk Dr Ting Pek Khiing, who ensured that a property company like Ekran got Southeast Asia's biggest infrastructure project without knowing what a diversion tunnel it, the cost of all these free lunches have forced him into a corner; and even more interesting, given the project management without having built anything to do with a hydroelectric project.

Dato' Yong Teck Lee has acquired the gravitas of Bolehland leadership after less than two years in office, unlike his colleagues elsewhere in the country who begin to show those signs only after two general elections. In Bolehland, as is well known, that stage is reached when heavy handedness, often accompanied by threats of legal action, is flashed at any who dares question questionable deals the state leaders tend to involve themselves in; that whatever they do can only be in the national interest even it violates the laws of the country. So, when he was questioned about the state's loss of RM72 million (then) -- when it bought three million shares at RM31.25 in a company called North Borneo Timbers -- by his political opponents and by his own coalition partners, he instructed his solicitors to sue them.

The undeniable reassuring view in Bolehland is that appearance of money overcomes professional competence, technical brilliance and technological superiority. So Malaysian minnows are far superior to Indian engineering and technological giants because its executives drive around in chauffer-driven BMWs, go about in three-piece suits, spout brilliant theses with applomb, and the latter can only travel in new versions of the old Morris Oxfords and go about building their concepts than talk about them. So, it is not surprising that a start-up Malaysian IT company called Daya Information Management System is all set to challenge the Tamil Nadu government's decision to let a consortium of Reliance Industries and Larsen & Toubro build and sell the Chennai IT Park. Two Indian companies and one Malaysian company, DIMS, were shortlisted. There is a reason why DIMS was put on to the shortlist, but that need not concern us here. Nor should it concern us here that in size DIMS would be a flea compared to either the Reliance elephant or the Larsen & Toubro whale. Remember Microsoft and IBM?

Recently, when shares are listed for the first time on the KLSE first or second boards, it had a dirty habit of heading below the offer price. Its managing directors, gritting their teeth, say the opening price is within expectations. And so it happened when Amtel Holdings was listed on the second board yesterday, and quickly headed south to close at 2.80, or a ringgit short of the offer price. If the opening price was "within expectations", was this mentioned in the prospectus? I somehow doubt it was. One of the best pieces of fiction available during the days of Bolehland hype is the prospectus, where every grammatical obfuscation was employed to give a misleading picture of what the actual status was. This did not matter when lemmings rules the roost, but these lemmings, who have not been burnt are not about to allow themselves to be forcibly forced into a death march. They insist now on looking at these Bolehland gift horses in the mouth.

Despite deputy prime minister Dato' Seri Anwar Ibrahim's insistence, the MOF Inc's takeover of the Bakun hydroelectric project from the floundering Ekran Berhad is a bail out. Whether the Bakun dam is a national or international project is irrelevant. When Ekran Berhad was given it before the Sarawak state elections, the decision was taken by two men, the prime minister Dato' Seri Mahathir Mohamed and the financial adviser Tun Daim Zainuddin. One reason for this was the growing disenchantment among the Chinese community in Sarawak with the government, and giving such a large project to a Sarawak Chinese would have swung votes towards the government, as it did. There were other financial conditions attached to this, mainly as a way for Tan Sri Dr Ting Pek Khiing to be paid for his "can do" buildings he built in a hurry in Langkawi and for extending the runaway there to take in Boeing 747s. That did not have Khazanah approval, since it was given in the usual Bolehland way of a prime ministerial directive.

Bolehland's fascination of form over substance is best seen in the ancilliary services provided for the new Kuala Lumpur international airport. We need dedicated elevated highways, high speed rail link, and now limousines driven by chauffeurs, instead of drivers, to take passengers to and from the airport. What passengers want a swift, cheap and efficient service by whatever means to take them to the airport or to the town centre. That is unaddressed. The dedicated elevated highway and the new speed rail link, both of which should have been ready by now, is only just about to begin construction. Of the rail link there is no news, except that both are hyped into existence by regular infusions of public relations handouts. The last on the rail link discussed fares to be charged when it is on stream with current prices elsewhere, and by that standard, of course, Bolehland is always cheaper. As McDonald's hamburgers are cheaper.

To link Kuala Lumpur with the Kuala Lumpur International Highway, the government decided on a dedicated superfast rail link and a dedicated elevated highway, which would speed travellers to and from their destinations with speed, efficiency, comfort while enriching those who build and operate it. The rail link, which should have been completed, remains on the drawing board. The contract for the dedicated elevated highway was given to a consortium of Anson-Perdana and Tabung Haji. But before it could be built -- and when it should have been finished -- a power play by a Bolehland business man has him in control of the project. Since Dato' Abu Sahid, of the Maju Group which took over Perwaja, is the business man, it should be but natural that steel form the basis of construction. And so it has. At a time of official fiscal belt tightening, the project cost is raised by RM700 million, of 50 per cent higher. At a time when we have foreign exchange problems, all that steel, despite the stirring claims of Perwaja providing the steel, would have to be imported.

The ABB-CBPO consortium, sitting on massive losses, is so sanguine that one cannot but believe it has much up its sleeve. Tan Sri Dato Dr Ting is certainly cornered, despite the bold front he puts up. He has had a recurrence of the stroke he suffers from within a fortnight of being sued by two directors of Wembley Industries Holdings Berhad for RM83 million. As I see it, it is a convenient time for him to give up the ghost of Bakun. Since the International Finance Corporation (IFC), a subsidiary of the World Bank, seem willing to finance the dam at market rates of interest, new Bolehland institutions will move to take that up. The current front runners are a consortium led by that great nodding marionette, Tan Sri Francis Yeoh: YTL, Tabung Haji, Siemens and Alcatel. My information is that Tan Sri Dr Ting would depart from the scene with control of Granite, the listed company that allegedly has a billion ringgit contract in Ekran Berhad's scheme for the Bakun dam, and little else.

A great political career awaits Dato' Chan. His ability to speak rubbish clothed in gobbledygook is unsurpassed. His words have the ring of Bolehland erudition, with words rolling off his tongue with the choicest of gobbledygook. But he has a greater career mapped out for him since his "input" into the subject would necessarily make him "productivity-driven". He would make an admirable professor of communications in the department of hyperlogy at the Bolehland University of Tomorrow's Technology (BUTT). BUTT, which is technology-driven wants to break the Bolehland belief that the only experts are Caucasian motor mechanics brought here at great cost to supervise highly qualified automotive engineers how to do their work.

So, the University that was set up with great promise has joined Bolehland institutions. The big difference in fees for the various courses, says one lecturer, "is a reflection of market forces." And he explains further: "There is obviously a bigger demand for some courses as they are considered to be more marketable and this is reflected in the new fees to be charged."

Pak Lah (1364)   United States (636)   Straits Times (412)   Samy Vellu (224)   Putra Jaya (200)   Chief Justice (200)   Saddam Hussein (188)   Vincent Tan (164)   Civil Service (154)   Parti KeADILan (148)   Islamic State (118)   Johore Bahru (100)   Sungei Buloh (94)   Bukit Tinggi (88)   Abdul Razak (80)   Pengkalen Pasir (68)   Ting Pek (64)   Armed Forces (59)   Soviet Union (58)

Malay Dominance (58)   Yong Teck (56)   Hong Kong (56)   Human Rights (56)   Syed Hamid (54)   Puteri UMNO (52)   Islam Hadhari (52)   Royal Commission (51)   Hussein Onn (51)   Rafidah Aziz (48)   Indian Congress (48)   Open House (44)   Vision Schools (44)   Shah Alam (44)   Malay Unity (42)   Chua Jui (42)   Abdul Taib (42)   Ampang Jaya (36)   Ras Adiba (36)

Osama Bin Laden (36)   Nik Aziz Nik (20)   Ling Liong Sik (18)   Lee Kuan Yew (18)

High Court Judge (14)   Wan Azizah Wan (9)   Lim Kit Siang (9)   Megat Junid Megat (8)

Mahathir (2960)

Anwar (2399)