MGG Pillai Commentary View

<< Previous || Next >>

Puppets on a string

UMNO HAS BROUGHT SYCOPHANCY to a fine art. With the carrot and the stick, its leaders demand absolute loyalty, with an ever-changing rule book forcing every aspirant for party office into a straitjacket; but the leaders are exempt from it. It was no surprise then to learn that the UMNO disciplinary committee would not investigate vice-presidential candidates for bribery aka money politics aka vote buying. It does not require a knowledge of advanced calculus to know that delegates demand bribes for their votes, and candidates want the votes or lose out. With this "willing buyer willing seller" approach translated into politics, how could there be no bribery? Every one from the party president down is guilty of corrupt practices. I went by a minister's house on Monday and found 40 delegates and their hangers-on there for the general assembly. Candidates are expected to meet the hotel and other bills of the delegates. I was with one one evening and he was plagued with demands for money, accommodation, and pocket money; one went so far as to demand that the 12 double rooms he had booked be settled by my friend. It is a fair bet that bookings in four- and five-star Kuala Lumpur hotels this week would be for UMNO delegates and others, with the bills paid by UMNO aspirants for office.

This is UMNO culture in its naked form. So when the new UMNO president, Dato' Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi, banned money politics, it was as King Canute ordering the waves back. He could not stop it but he wanted to make an impact. Typically, it caught every one by surprise. The rules were framed in a hurry, and changed ever so often that the latest had no connexion from its original. What was banned at the start is allowed now. You could not advertise or hand out visiting cards then but you can now. I was once introduced to a politician from Sabah. We exchanged cards, only that he give me a pile of 20, each different and representing the candidates he supported. He need not have bothered. They could now. This suggests that the leaders had put restrictions on bribery and vote buying so their nominees could be returned. It did not work. So the rules were relaxed, with dire consequences threatened on particular candidates if they misbehaved. It did not work either. So nothing is disallowed now. The only rule is: Don't Get Caught. But if you do, you would be given a slap on the wrist and told to go and sin no more. That is, unless you are not a neophyte politician trying to rise up the greasy pole. Then the book is thrown at you.

But this came too late in the day. Candidates rushed hither and thither about the country to canvass. It was no use. There was just not enough time. Then the UMNO mentri besars and chief ministers pitched in. They threw huge parties in their official residences, and invited the candidates and party members for an evening of feasting, campaigning, and skullduggery, with candidates taking part in the political equivalent of a beauty pageant. It is the reverse of the more familiar but often irrelevant "road show", where one went with one's executives to explain one's policies to foreign groups in their home ground. Little is achieved on these trips, but it is now accepted that if one does not, one must expect to fail. The UMNO version is for the mentris besar and chief ministers to host a party and for the candidates and others to converge there. Almost every state has held it. It is said to be successful, even if the candidates had to be behave as performing monkeys to make themselves known to delegates.

What happens at these gatherings? On Sunday (20 September 2004), it was the turn of the Selangor mentri besar, Dato' Seri Khir Toyo. The roads to his house were chocker block with hundreds of the latest models of Mercedes Benzes, BMWs, Lexuses, and just about every luxury car you could find parked along the road to the residence at Shah Alam. It would be an understatement to say that the luxury cars alone would have been worth at least RM1 billion. But then UMNO meetings are for aspiring politicians to show off their wealth, their cars and their trophy wives. Twenty years ago, a Malay lawyer and I were on the same flight to Penang. He offered me a lift to my hotel. His old Holden car awaited him. He shouted at the driver that he wanted the Mercedes Benz because he was there to attend an UMNO branch meeting. He ordered him to go back to the mainland and return with the other car. I remonstrated with him to take the car into town, and then let the driver return with the other car. He would not hear of it. And we were stuck at the airport for more than three hours until the Mercedes arrived. For him it worked. He is now a cabinet minister and a candidate for the UMNO supreme council.

Conspicious consumption is expected of the UMNO politician, especially if he has a political career in mind. These luxury cars were double parked, with barely space for a VIP car to squeeze through. Inside the residential grounds, a few thousand had gathered. Delegates were greeting each other with murder and treachery in their hearts, and promising each other their votes. All were resplendant in their expensive Malay costume with gold embroidered "sampengs", many had diamond and gold studs on their clothes, Patek Phillipes, Vacheron Constantins, Rolexes, IWCs on their wrist, Montblancs and other high-end fountain pens, not to write but to sign, in their pockets, bespoke shoes. Food and drinks were consumed in large dollops, no one complained about how terrible they were – they usually are but who cares, some one else is paying for them! – and at last the time for entertainment was at hand. Dr Khir called out for the candidates to appear on stage, by the numbers they appeared on the ballot paper. They came in turn, doing their silly acts to introduce themselves usually to an accompaniment of wisecracks from Dr Khir. When Tan Sri Mohamed Taib, his predecessor, was called, Dr Khir said he was not "Mike Tyson" any more, but "David Beckham" since his number on the ballot paper is 7, and Beckham's too when he played for Manchester United. And Tan Sri Mohamed dribbled an artificial football to acknowledge the link. It was a beauty contest with a difference, the contestants asked the same silly questions and replying with the same asininity. To be an UMNO politician, first make a fool of yourself.

Most of the candidates were there. All performed true to form as performing monkeys. A leaf for this is taken out of the US presidential elections, where what only matters is the gaffe to beat the other with. This is supposed to show how civilised we are, and in this age of computer circuitry, and with campaigning discouraged, the candidates hope they would be remembered for their stupid antics. The voters still did not know them, nor he the voters. But it did not matter. Their agents would have improved their chances in the only way they know how: by buying the votes of delegates. How does this ensure UMNO gets the brightest and the best of the Malays, when leaders are selected for the ability as peforming monkeys and the amount of money at their disposal? The more this type of functions are held, the less likely that a new breed of politician would emerge who has more than their pockets at heart when they step into office. Corruption drips through every pore of UMNO and its members. It cannot be stopped. It could be curtailed. But no one is interested. But who in UMNO listens, or cares?

[This is my column in the last issue of Seruan Keadilan, the organ of Parti Keadilan Rakyat (PKR), out today, 24 September 2004]

M.G.G. Pillai
pillai@streamyx.com